Confidence vs. ...The Old Days?

I used to be that girl with the curly hair in the back of the classroom... Remember? The baggy jeans, denim jacket, real quiet. I used to want to be just like everyone else. So I became that way.

It didn't take long to figure out how to fit in. You buy a good straightener, more makeup, & name brand clothes advertising the brand right on the front of the ugly pink t-shirt & you get a lot more attention. That was junior high anyway. 

Still, my freshman year of high school I was quiet & kind of stuck in the ways of other people. People I wanted to badly to be like. Not because I wanted to be them, but because I wanted people to know me. I wanted to grab the attention of everyone in the school like some of the other people did. Although some of them not in a good way.. 

It wasn't until my senior year I finally broke free from.. myself. I stopped dressing like everyone else & dressed for me. I wore the clothes I felt most comfortable in, regardless of whether it was the style or not, it was me. I took classes I wanted to take, & not the ones all my friends were a part of (although that is hard to avoid in such a small school anyway). I talked more, louder, raised my hand in class every once in a while, & I met some really great people this way. I joined a school club you might consider nerdy, but it was just for me. I met a lot of great people, & stopped caring so much about what people said about me. I knew who I was, & so did the people who really knew me. I know who I am, & so do the people who really know me. 

Bein' silly on our trip this summer

I might not be anyone's idea of perfect. I'm not even my idea of perfect. Then again, what is perfect?

I love things with fur on them, I love leather and peacock feathers, tea, granola bars, laughing, being crazy, singing at the top of my lungs, dark chocolate, talking for hours, yoga, getting ready (which can take me forever).. 

I'm a dreamer. I'm always thinking about the future & sometimes I just forget to live right now. 

Today I am the best I have ever been, but I am not yet the best I will ever be. 

I have become most comfortable with myself. I notice that I don't compare myself to people like I used to. I realized that if I don't like something the way it is, I am the only one who can change that. I have made goals, dreams, ideas, and they are all mine. You wonder why I love Katy Perry so much? 

As Katy Perry for Halloween 2011 (;

Honestly (see her movie), she makes me and so many other people want to be like her. Not just because she has achieved it all. She is just so, herself. Despite what everyone's expectations were, she developed into her own person. She makes me want to be like her, in a way that makes me want to be more like me. 

Kaitlyn

Christian, Juan, Ashley

Megan, Alyssa

Braskin

Katie, Rachel, Cierra, Debbie

Marcus

Riley

Family

Missing Jacob

Katie

Lexie & Paige

I have developed a personality that is somewhat sassy, I don't hold myself back like I used to. I don't do things that don't make me happy. I have made some of the best friends I have ever had, & hope I will always have. I am best friends with my boyfriend, my mom, dad, & siblings. I try to share so much love, & love so deeply. I love all the wonderful people in my life. 

Sorry, I do not have a million pictures of all of you my friends!

There are so many great things I have realized about myself in all my experiences, I hope you can find those things about yourself. I feel more confident than ever in all my imperfections. 

Summer Began~

Update:
            Recently I have been to Super Cross in Salt Lake City, Utah; & to a Nickelback/Seether/My Darkest Days/& Bush. Both were AWESOME. The concert was probably my favorite; best concert I have ever been to! Phew Bush is my new crush. All the bands were really good.

This is  Katie: Drinking some Monster TEA Energy!

Just having fun!

As the sun goes down..

I would say we were cool enough to catch these but...
We found them on the floor! Muahaha

So close to touching hott BUSH singer... 

Well nothing is really going on right now,
                     I have been making it a point to try & stop complaining about myself; & if there is something I don't like about myself I should do something to change it. Making myself work out is a whole other story. It is just not happening like it should right now. I need some major motivation: A Motivator to be more specific. Pinterest does not count by the way, I tried that & I got distracted by everything but "fitness motivation..."

          


However, I made a sort of bucket list on Pinterest that I think I should stick with, maybe put it on paper & make it a bit more official. All ya'll should follow me on Pinterest by the way great stuff if you actually take the time to do it.

            I am done with school now for the summer and I will start back up in the fall with (hopefully) one more year of generals & then into the interesting stuff. Right now I am pretty set on Occupational Therapy as my major. It will take some time but I think it's something I'd really enjoy doing (plus it's good $$$$$).

           Still on the look out for an apartment.. More for a roommate because my friends all gave up on me & have other stuff going on... Yeah! YOU friends :)
        
           I want to give a shout out to my friend Lexie for all that she is going through right now; what a strong girl she is that Lexie. I love you & your little family. She needs to start a blog; that would be way more interesting than this! Anyway she's awesome and has kept her head up through some tough ****! I plan to be there all the way.

         In other "news," me and Riley are still going after about 1year & 9 months? He's my best friend & a great person to laugh my butt off with. Seriously. Not to mention he is a hard worker, but knows when to have fun.

I can't wait to see what the future holds for me, my friends, family, & all of you!

My Appreciation

Lately I have thought to myself how truly lucky I am. I have wonderful family and friends in my life. I am lucky to have such a life. I have a perfect home, no need to worry about how I will eat tomorrow or if I will find shoes for my feet..

I am very lucky for the education I am getting.
I am very lucky to have friends that have been in my life that I've had since childhood and I can still be myself around now.
I am very lucky to have new friends in my life that support and love me, and who I am currently sharing a history with that will be remembered for the rest of my life.
I am very lucky to have a family that is as fun and as reliable as mine.
I am also very lucky for the people that I had in my life who taught me so much, and I know are watching me now.

I would list all of these people I am thankful for but there are so many of you and I couldn't leave anyone out! I'd be editing this post for days..

Special thank you to my Grandma and Grandpa Kirkham. Without them my childhood would have been very boring! Also without them I wouldn't have the wonderful mother I have now! Or aunts, uncles, cousins, you get it! I love and miss them every day.

One of my favorite pictures..
They loved to dance
I remember dancing on grandpa's toes

Camping will never be the same
Grandpa Kirkham
I will always remember

I can remember always going on walks with my grandma
we would pick flowers and she'd tell me what
they were

Grandma and Koby

What would we do without memories?
We are all very lucky we have today, because we might not have tomorrow.. Always remember how lucky you are.

Grandma Kirkham
I will never forget you

My best friend.. and so much more

Halloween 2010

Last Halloween, and first realization that this was something more than just friends..
Coincidentally, our Mom's are best friends and have been for many years. They grew up together. Married and had us two just six days apart. In the sixth grade we really met. After a breakup I was so devastated about, he brought me a bag of Skittles. "Skittles warm the heart," he said. So cheesy, I know. At the time I loved it. I was so appreciative. We were off and on all through junior high and not again until my junior year of high school. That October (coincidence, again) we hung out a lot through some troubles both of us had. We were there for each other, and became closer than ever. After about a month, we decided to take a break (after our serious relationships had roughly ended). We saw other people for a year. We still talked off and on.
A year after that, he came back into my life again. He kept asking me to hang out, and I finally gave in. I was determined that we would just be friends for a while. We talked and talked and drove around forever. I completely opened up about things that were going on in my life I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone else about. He listened, and understood. He had been through a lot of the same things. We were together more and more. Every day and good thing or bad things brought us closer together. Sometime in November or maybe December I don't know for sure, we made it official.

We spend our senior year of high school together. We went to prom together, and Lagoon for our senior trip.

PROM 2011

We graduated together in 2011. On to new adventures...

Bowling Date Night

3 Days Grace Concert 2011

Rodeo 2011

Summer of 2011. We did everything together! Floating the river, camping trips, the rodeo, star-gazing, random drives in the mountains, concerts, bowling. movies, bumper cars, you name it. Time flies.

HALLOWEEN 2011

I have never felt so close to someone who is my best friend and boyfriend. I can be completely crazy and stupid around him and I am 100% comfortable. I even sing, loudly in front of him from time to time. I dance, I cry, and laugh my stupid laugh, I trip, I say something completely opposite of the common knowledge of most people, I even stopped tanning because he "says" he loves my pale skin. I am perfectly fine with being in my pajamas and t-shirt, no makeup, and frizzy hair because he still tells me I am beautiful that way (I don't know how true that is).
He is very supportive of what I do. He helps me with my college homework nearly every night. He introduced me to many new people that I love and now keep close in my life (I will talk about them later). His family let me in and I feel like one of them already. What an incredible family he does have. Some of my favorite people. They always make you laugh and feel like you are one of their own.

Graduation 2011

I can't picture my life without him in it. We make each other the best we can be. He is my everything. I love you Riley.

One Year Later

The Fam

     I am thinking I want to start this by introducing all of the people close to me. Then when you read my crazy stories you can make some sense of them, or at least the people in them.

     My family. There's Koby, Mom, myself, Natalie, and Dad. We are a crazy family but, as far as I've seen, it is quite normal. My Mom is the biggest influence on me. I have always looked up to her, and usually (even though I don't always want her to know), whatever she says goes. I cannot do anything without asking her advice! It's horrible. This whole family has shaped me. One day I will post a video from my childhood and you will see what a great and hilarious family I have. We are very very loud, and argumentative, but are constantly laughing at each other and ourselves. There is no better place or family I would have rather grown up into. This picture comes from my graduation in 2011. My brother and sister were secretly sad because they thought I would leave ASAP. Didn't happen. Now they probably wish I could leave! 

     My Dad is the most talkative and friendly man I have ever seen. He loves to spark conversation, but watch out because they usually last forever. He always says it is the other person but I have realized otherwise. He spoils every one of us. He comes from a very generous family and is an overly generous man. 

     My Brother and Sister and I are the most crazy. There is always so much laughter and fighting and more laughter. I guess this is normal? I am very lucky to have exactly one brother and one sister. I also love being the oldest. It gives me the chance to experience things first and be the all-so knowledgable one :). 

     I will be posting many more stories I am sure about my amazing and wild family, whom I love very much.